Lately, my facebook thread has been inundated with repeated links to the same shitty article with the catchy title ‘Addams Family House on The market for the first time”. It is a spot-on example of exactly why I pretty much never blog and hate all blogs, because the title is misleading clickbait. When you click on it, it’s some random old house in Australia for sale. For over 2 million dollars. In obviously dilapidated condition. Let me be frank: whoever buys that house must be a wacky millionaire or a fucking idiot. Because that house is incredibly overpriced to begin with, and because it could not have less to do with the Addams Family. IT IS JUST AN OLD HOUSE. No one from the Addams Family ever set foot in that house. Charles Addams didn’t live there. It was never used as a set. It doesn’t even look remotely like the Addams Family cartoon house, which they thoughtfully added at the bottom of the article. It’s the wrong Victorian architecture, to begin with. By the article’s own admission, it’s a Queen Anne. Well, the Addams Family house was A SECOND EMPIRE you silly goons.
Perhaps I seem to be taking this too seriously. Maybe I am. I am, after all, a rabid Charles Addams fan with two Addams Family original comics tattooed on me. I own every one of his original omnibuses. I’ve engaged in countless delightful arguments with fuckwit guys at bars who think it’s going to turn me on to ‘school me’ on MY OWN TATTOOS like I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I GOT TATTOOED ON MY OWN BODY HOLY SHIT EVEN A JUGGALO CAN EXPLAIN HIS TATTOOS FUCK’S SAKE MAN. So I can be defensive. Yeah.
But it’s more than that. It’s what I said above, the clickbait phenomena. The jumping on to any random thing being passed around. The way history is being rewritten or the present is being ignored in favor of a flashy title. It’s everyone protesting the Duck Dynasty guy for being homophobic without even reading the actual article where you would realize his perception on black Americans is considerably more offensive. If you are going to pass on information to your friends, you have a responsibility to read the articles you link, or maybe even research the validity and background of what you’re sending. I have no more patience for inflammatory and blatantly false articles from my liberal comrades than I do for completely insane ‘Obama Hitler’ articles sent by an embarrassingly stupid relative. FACT CHECK.
Additionally, the people behind this article are attempting to brand and promote this house falsely. It would be akin to someone in an alt-country band randomly changing his name to Kurt Cobain in an attempt to acquire followers. The article doesn’t put Addams Family in quotes, nor does it add an ‘esque’ to the description, as it tries to profit by alluding that it is somehow related to the Addams Family franchise. This disingenuous advertising, to say the least, has been enabled by 21st century technology that no longer adheres to any kind of responsible sourcing when attempting to sell something by riding the coattails of something else.
Okay, so that’s the bad news. Here’s the fun thing. That house? Not an Addams family house. Wrong, wrong, not even close. However, about a year ago, when I first started taking tentative steps towards homeowning, I DID find an Addams Family house, aesthetically speaking. It was perfect: spooky, nice interior, observatory, huge yard, IN A TOWN WHERE CHOCOLATE IS MADE, 45 minutes from NYC. And only $400,000. Unfortunately, I didn’t make a move on it because I wasn’t taking myself seriously, and now I live in regret every day that the Jacob C Allen house in Hackettstown, New Jersey (yeah, New Jersey, shuddup) will never be mine.
In conclusion, this is the real Charles Addams’s house and it was less than spooky.